FACING PRESSURE OF RELATIVES AND FRIENDS
By: Hillary and Barbra Namanya
1 Chronicles 12:32 And of the children of Issachar, which were men that had understanding of the times, to know what Israel ought to do; the heads of them were two hundred; and all their brethren were at their commandment.
Knowing the right timing is a big challange to every human being especially when It comes to making the marriage decision especially Knowing when, who, etc.
It is more complex while in tertiary institutions. It is that time of the year when many youths are completing their courses..degrees, diplomas, certificates, etc. While you’re struggling to read for your next paper, someone comes boldly and asks; when are you getting married?, Show us Mr. Right, don’t risk leaving the institution without a partner, etc.
Sometimes these questions and pressurising statements come from the least expected friends and they come when you are already struggling with related issues.
All such pressures leave us in depression, stress, vulnerability, self pity, self resentment and some people end up with wrong people just because we want to be like others “they are running out of time.” And many who have yielded to such pressure without asking God for direction have regretted for life.
I pray that GOD gives us wisdom and understanding like the sons of Issachar to know the right times and the right choices for our lives.
Points to Note
√That the person putting you on pressure started dating their husband or wife in year one or even S.6 vacation or even before,doesn’t mean that no one has dated their marriage partners way after studies.
√Only you and God alone have the action plan for your life which is to be effected by God. One may prefer to get married after their last paper,while another may want to marry at least 3years after their first degree.
√Only you and God can protect your self esteem. Such pressures have a way of making us feel as failures,not beautiful/handsome enough, but trust me,you are already fearfully and wonderfully made even before you start to think about it.
√Always remember that God’s timing will always be the best and He prefects things at their perfect time.
√ Those pressurising you have no idea of what you have been through and when un planned quick decisions get back at you, these guys won’t be anywhere around you to advise.
√Watch out for the enemies of progress. Your trend of progress is just yours, don’t allow anyone, to tamper with it.
√Watch out for careless talkers. It will save you the trouble of sleepless nights.
√ Ask for the guidance from the Holy Spirit and the spirit of discernment.
√ Always have a personal stand. Avoid being taken in every direction that the wind blows. Always remember that some decisions are irreversible and you are to face the consequences as an individual.
When such pressures come, may you experience the peace of the Lord and wait on Him for the next step. May the LORD teach you to inquire of Him and depend on Him for even the little gritty things that at the end of it all all things will work for your good just because of your Love for God
There is surely time for everything. As comedy has it, those asking you to get married or start dating have colleagues who have died yet they haven’t asked them to follow suite.
And when you finally get there, may you find favor with God and enjoy your partner for the rest of your precious lives.
Prayer: LORD who gave the sons of Issachar wisdom to interpret the seasons and times, help us to know your right timing for our lives. Amen.
SALVATION VERSUS HUMAN RELATIONSHIP
BY: BARBRA NAMANYA
As l read through the previous article, when you must let go and let God in a relationship, l was reminded of my own experience. As a beautiful young girl in secondary school, l went through a number of girl/boy relationships. I was the kind that would change boyfriends so often and not even my close friends would know the reason why, but am sure the guys in question know the reasons. There is something I pity about today’s generation in adolescence. They think and believe beyond doubt that there is no love beyond sex. Excuse me young men and young women, sex is of the body but true love is of the heart. I got born again in my S.6,meaning l had had all the years of secondary school to have all the sex l could but I didn’t. I FEARED FORNICATION!
Many people I went with to school would never believe this, and I don’t care, but trust me sometimes fear can safe guard you. In fact I think I feared all sins, but I could dare anything else, but not sex. So whenever I didn’t give in to sex, I didn’t become a worth girlfriend. And some how that’s how I would drop boy friends who would put me on pressure.
However, there is this one young man who made me believe he was abstaining, but he was not outside there and even after confessing Christ as my personal saviour, I maintained him. He was very good at playing piano in the chapel and besides his unavoidably good looking physical nature, he had all the attributes I didn’t want to let go. He is the only one who stuck with me even amidst ‘starving him’ sexually. He respected my opinion about sex and never ever tried to force me into sex at any one moment. This made me love him more and amidst his drunkenness nature and involving in fights, he was still my ‘best’ then.
But when you join university and got in the right Christian fellowship groups, the walk of salvation became tougher. That’s when I got to know and implement that darkness cannot live with light. But quietly I kept with my secular boyfriend while preaching the gospel, growing in Christian leadership, intercession, mention it all, because I believe I had such a beautiful walk with God at Makerere University. Born again young men approached me and others shunned because I had declared I was engaged.
By second year, I knew my friend was not abstaining per say, and I was tired of praying for someone’s change who wasn’t changing at all, he would promise to attend fellowship and something would come up, but I felt this kind of empathy for him that I would never imagine leaving him alone. In one morning glory, I received a false prophesy that there was someone I was praying for to get born again and he was going to confess. I waited for this like until end of my second year, I knew I had to let go, but he was the only one I ever saw myself having a future with.
Not to disorganize myself, l convinced myself, I needed to keep quiet, finish my course and boldly declare to him that we couldn’t go on. The third year was the longest as I waited to break with him but still hoped for him to change. That night, the night I told him, we needed to realize that he had moved on in a different direction as well as I in another, one minute was like an hour. But thank God it was my breakthrough time.
I put enough airtime, went to my room on the bed and told him. Before he replied properly, he first drunk himself silly and told me if it was the right decision for me, then it was okay. Many of my colleagues thought it was my worst moment, but emotionally l had broken this relationship long ago and the moment I said it out, it was the best moment of my life. I felt I was walking in the light. However, because many people had looked up to me for guidance, I felt l had let them down but I convinced myself, this was my life that needed to be put right. I thank God I let go of a wrong relationship because it was heading me nowhere.
About purity, the night I broke this long endured relationship, I told him l was grateful that he didn’t know my pants and thanked him for respecting me. Some young people fail to walk out of failing relationships because they are already involved in fornication. Let me tell you, there is freedom in abstinence. Even if it isn’t for salvation, you can try it out for yourself. It feels good to know that the person you’re letting go has a part of you he doesn’t know. You get to walk away with your head high up. I was known for having naughty boyfriends, but I had my first sex on my wedding night with my husband and I am anyone can purposefully do this. Even if you’re already involved in sexual acts, you can choose to stop now and embark on a journey of self respect, you will love it. Remember the more you abstain, the more your partner wants to discover the secret in you and the more respect you get accorded by your partner.
Remember that what you believe and know about yourself matters more than what other people think they know about you. Am proud of myself, you can be too. If I could abstain with a non born again boyfriend, what about a born again boy with a born again girl. You can surely do it for the love of God. Holiness, righteousness, faithfulness are what He wants from us and He is so faithful that He would never let us go. He is such a good father and loving God.
I thank God I was never raped because I would get in secluded places with him, but my chance may not be yours. Guard your life! And feel free to walk out of that relationship that isn’t leading anywhere.
I put my salvation walk on the stake by staying in relationship with a non born again, undisciplined man, but maybe I kept growing because I didn’t allow myself to get influenced into his kind of worldly life. But usually, the darkness can easily cover the light, its easy to pull anything down compared to pulling it up, dirty water mixed with clean water by default makes all the water dirty, don’t take chances. Walk out of that relationship for the sake of your salvation journey if your partner is not born again and demanding for sex. Don’t wait to make a mistake for regrets, don’t wait to get influenced into their kind of life. Don’t deceive yourself that he/she will change soon, only God has the power to change and in His own time which may be too late for you.
Years later he came back and proposed but I knew very well it wasn’t the right thing to do. Stay safe, stay away from early sex. The best way to have a secure relationship and stable family is in trusting the LORD who predestined our future. May God bless you as you obey to stay away from early sex.
TIPS FOR A STRESS FREE WEDDING
NICHOLAS AND OLIVIAS TUGUME
Good Marriage is every ones desire. This should be the end result for all the stress that people go through in organizing such big weddings. Unfortunately it’s not always true that a big wedding leads to a happy marriage. This is because people have mixed Marriage, wedding and party in one thing. A party is optional in marriage and therefore shouldn’t be the determinant factor on marriage issues like setting wedding dates.
You can have a good wedding without a party. One person wedded while we were on mission, as the gospel was preached they decided to put right his marriage. They were rich business and educated people but they made a wedding without a party and they are happily married. Alternatively churches have opened doors for mass weddings. Which we can use, ofcouse, someone will ask, suppose they see me in a mass wedding? But remember no one will remember your huge and expensive wedding even after one week. You rather keep your money and invest.
This is partly that many people concentrate on wedding parties and forget about marriage. They feed thousands, drive expensive hired vehicles, use expensive gardens, hire every musician, etc. Of cause you will say this is the only day in your life, but it is not the only day to live. Marriage reality is waiting for you when everyone has gone home and you will be two of you with no food, yet with huge debts to pay.
It is painful to see a newly wedded couple separate because of financial difficulty and disagreements or a man freeing home because of wedding debts.
Why should we keep spending what we don’t have to please those who do not care about us. Why should someone work for one (365 days) or two years (730 days) to raise food to feed people in a single day? Most likely majority of people on your wedding day are the people you will never call on for financial assistance. There are people I see in our wedding video and photos that I have never seen ever since six years ago. So why did I invite them in the first place (not rude but the reality).
You can do a stress-free simple wedding and enjoy your marriage or do stressful wedding and fail to enjoy your marriage. I thank GOD, we got this counsel in advance through our counselors and friends. This helped us plan a wedding within our means with no excessive debts. I remember, from a wedding only photography was demanding some balance that we were able to pay immediately.
HOW TO DO IT
1- Plan together in advance. Make budget, share it with trusted friends for advice and stick to the agreed budget. All people I have talked to, I have advised them cut wedding costs as much as possible. It will not take long when you will need that money. Remember every person you have invited, have their homes, and most of them will even eat again when they reach their homes.
2-Make major bookings early. Like church, venue for reception if it’s a must to have a party. Last minute bookings lead to poor services. You will end up settling for poor quality, high prices due to rushing. I remember one of the service providers wanted to increase the price but could not because we had an understanding and a down payment.
3-Maximize the availability opportunities and plan within your means. We thank GOD that nowadays all churches have opened opportunities for free mass wedding. Which we didn’t have then. But at least, we try borrow from friends things like vehicles, choir we used our mission team, and many other things. This helped us cut our budget. It doesn’t make sense to higher very expensive cars and the next morning after wedding you do not have food.
4- Know yourself. Openness is key for every couple. It’s important to open up to the commit especially when you know you have no money. This helps them cut budgets before huge financial commitments.
5-Delegate to the committee responsibilities early enough. Involve friends early enough and form a committee. The longer you wait the more people get committed somewhere else. This will help you concentrate on the key issues of marriage. Remember the end result should be joyful marriage.
6- Involve your future spouse in all planning. This reduces financial misunderstandings. It will also help you to be reminded when you have forgotten on some appointments.
We pray for all planning wedding that the LORD will guide you through a stress free wedding and grant you a happy marriage in Jesus’ name.
WHEN YOU MUST LET GO AND LET GOD
MRS. BARBRA NAMANYA
I’m not advocating for marriage and relationship breaking, but there are instances when you have got to let go and let God. Example for someone who is never true to him or herself or having unbearable habit like beating. You don’t expect someone to loose life for the sake of a relationship. Sometimes it’s so hard to let of someone you have loved so much but not all the relationships we enter into are in God’s plans for us. Our former Chaplain of St. Francis Chapel, Reverend Canon. Benon Mugarura (Uncle Ben) used to remind us while I was at Makerere University, that it is better to have a broken relationship than a broken marriage.
Christians especially tend to tolerate failed relationships in the name of ‘what will people say’. Listen to that question and ask it quietly, what will people say after you have had a divorce?!!!! For starters, there are situations where you ought to think about yourself rather than other people. Enduring a wrong relationship to please people will only break you down while the people you are worried about are enjoying their lives without worrying about you.
If you feel and prove beyond doubt that the relationship you are in is not worth it, and by all means there is no future marriage, call it quits. In a short while you will have peace and open doors for more suitors to come your way. Only free hands can receive. God will not put something new in your hands while you are still holding unto failed relationship.
The reason we have many breaking marriages is because of failure of spouses to change. This person looks at a habit during courtship and thinks it will change only to get worse and unbearable in marriage.
There are many indicators of a failed Christian relationship
1- Pressure for sex. Why should a Christian demand for sex before marriage when you know sex before marriage is a sin and makes you miss eternal life? When this happens, repentance and counseling should be the first thing before continuing in a relationship.
2- A hidden sin like alcohol, fornication, homosexuality. A Christian should be open enough in the relationship to the intending spouse. I have heard people say, if I tell him or her they will drop me, then what will happen, after they find out and you are already married?
3- Physical violence. It’s absurd to find out that there are young men who subject their girlfriends to slaps. Even if she is married to you, there is no legal mandate to beat a wife. If you can abuse someone under the care of her parents, how will it be when she is officially under your roof?
How to go about it
1. Pray about it for God’s guidance. My theme will always be pray first, then you get to take God’s direction.
2. Have your boy/girlfriend know why it won’t work out. Do this at a round table in preferably an open place and just as the two of you started it, let both of you understand why it can’t go on. Let the reasons be tangible and worth the quits.
3. Seek counsel. There are many people who have gone through this, just identify who to open up to. You will discover how easily life can move on in a short time, when you get good counsel.
4. Don’t make your partner for quits and enemy. Your relationship may have failed to lead to marriage, but you are still friends unless there was violence. You can still be resourceful to each other in future for other things like business or job connections.
4. Keep reminding yourself, not every courtship leads into marriage. You’re not alone and there is nothing to be ashamed of. People start businesses and fail, drop out of academic years, lose pregnancies, etc. Not all stories are success stories.
Remember; you would rather have a broken relationship than a broken marriage don’t allow to live a regretful marriage life forever.
In addition, the purer you keep while in courtship, the easier it will be to let go when need be.
May God help you to keep in God pleasing relationship and build a family after His heart.
OVERCOMING REJECTION STIGMA IN A RELATIONSHIP
BY: NICHOLAS AND OLIVIAS TUGUME 29/01/2018
The question today is what should we do when some one walks out on you or a pregnancy comes in during a relationship?
Stable families are the foundation of any stable nation. Any weapon against a family, is a weapon against a nation. No nation will be better than than the quality of her families. When you see the devil destroying young families, killing our youth and fresh graduates due to relationship and marriage failure, automatically the nation is under attack.
Sex is not the only way to express our love and commitment in a relationship. I related with my wife for 3 years without having sex in relationship. We pledged to GOD and prayed that he protests us and now we are 6 years happily married blessed with two Children. I know this was the LORD whom we trusted with our relationship and marriage not our own strength. And we have other people’s testimonies who related for 4-7 years without sex.
Several times I have met youth who have been heart broken by their lovers.
Indeed it is heart breaking, for someone who said they can’t sleep, can’t eat because of too much love, now only to turn out to be the worst enemies.
The situation is more worse and complex after the boy has made a girl pregnant, she endures the pregnancy shame and now the heartless boy says he is in love with another girl. This girl you messed up has a future and destiny to live so accept responsibility.
I’m not advocating for early marriages or marrying because a problem has come, but accept responsibility and seek counseling. In the new relationship you are hiding yourself, you will meet the same or more complex situations than this.
I have had testimonies from girls those boy friends denied pregnancies, and the girl was looked at as a prostitute who doesn’t know the real father, and the boy is posing around with new lovers. Very heart breaking.
How can we find help if it has happened?
1- It’s important that immediately a pregnancy is sensed, seek counseling from the church or fellowship leaders. You are not the first one and not the last. Be like David who said ‘ I will die in the hands of GOD.’ (1 Chronicles 21:13). GOD created each of us and predestined us. When something goes wrong with our destiny We should get back to Him for re- designing. We have people whom GOD restored back and has blessed them with good families. Hiding is not a solution, killing yourself will take you to hell fire, aborting is sinful, you are committing a double sin and besides the Child is innocent and you might die. Seek counsel.
2- Accept responsibility for your sins. The reason mankind is suffering is failure by Adam to accept responsibility for his disobedience to GOD. All great men and women in the bible were sinners like us but repentant. Look at David the man after GOD’s heart, he committed adultery and shed blood to cover his own sin. And this couldn’t work out, when confronted by Prophet Nathan, he broke down in sack clothes and repented for 3days. (2 Sam 12:13, Psalms 51)
Him taking on Bethsheba was one step to accept his sin responsibility of looking after this woman he had made a widow.
You can’t stand to tell me you are ashamed to tell your parents and therefore the girl should die or the innocent child should die. Excuse me girls have parents too and have destiny to live. Besides we have great leaders whose mothers endured unwanted pregnancy shame.
Bravo to all girls who have endured this rejection, shame and brought up Children. You are my heroes.
3- Always count the cost for any decision. Love has a cost of Patience, kindness, doesn’t envy, not self seeking, endurance, perseveres, rejoices in truth, sacrifice, long-suffering, protects, trust, hope, never fails. (cr 1Corinthians 13:4-8). It’s important to consider all the above cost before you say I love you.
4- Rejection is a relationship is not the end of life. You are yet to meet your destiny spouse. There is light at the end of tunnel. Trust God for the best choice.
As I wind up, You could be there all hope is gone and you think the world has come to an end. Just like David, fall in the hands of GOD who created your destiny. I invite you today to JESUS Christ, who endured the great shame on the cross and bore all our sins in HIS own body, by HIS strips we were healed. His love is infinite, to man you deserve death but with GOD there is forgiveness and restoration if we accept JESUS Christ. After prayer, sign up for salvation on the provided like, we will surely pray with you.
Today’s prayer: Father LORD in JESUS name our prayers goes to all those who have been betrayed in a relationship, whose hearts have been broken, we pray for healing and restoration. We pray for single mothers who have been left stranded with pregnancy LORD the father to the fatherless uphold them and take care of them, restore their esteem and destinies. We pray for families whose husbands or wife have walked out, restore these families LORD, keep the children safe. We pray for those relating and our families keep them focused in JESUS name. Amen.
For salvation and prayer support follow the link: http://globalawakeningmissionaries.org
HEALING AND A NEW HOPE AFTER A FAILED RELATIONSHIP
BY: NICHOLAS AND OLIVIAS TUGUME
Life can be tough, frustrating when the only girl or boy you have invested all your life, time and money, wakes up to tell you, that the marriage plans can no longer workout.
Much more hurting like life coming to an end to see this person with your closest friend, whom you could open up to, now turning around to taken over your position of your dream family mate.
Some of those who have been heart broken, have vowed never to marry, while others have committed suicide. I pray no one will ever die young again before fulfillment of their destiny in JESUS’ name.
This has been a big weapon satan is using even on the Married couples to kill innocent people and destroy their destinies. Most people are living a hopeless life, failure in academics because of the trauma suffered from the broken relationship.
I can’t imagine how many future great leaders we have lost to death through committing suicide just because of a failed relationship.
I cannot forget a testimony from one relationship that broke a week to marriage/ wedding just after introductions and giveaway. But these people today are all happily married to different spouses.
My brother/sister life is very precious, I have seen happily married couples who have moved through more than 5 relationships and finally got one that worked out. Besides when you commit suicide, you will miss heaven and go to hell fire.
How to overcome Relationship trauma.
1- Trust God for the best choice. God created us for a specific purpose. Only GOD can determine our destiny. Our history has not even a failed relationship or marriage. God has engraved our lives in the palms of His hands and our walls are ever before Him. (cr. Isa 49:16)
Today I bring you good news of life after the tunnel. It doesn’t matter whether you have been dumped, GOD has a good and perfect plan for you. If one door closes he can create or open another one.
Psalms 27:10 ‘Even if my father and mother abandoned me, the LORD would take me in.’ Even when a relationship doesn’t workout you still have a life to live and a destiny to fulfill.
2- All married people go through difficulty. Of-course all of us have gone through thick and thin to get married. If one plays on your mind, trust GOD for the best choice. Research shows that most married people, went through a series of broken relationships. Meaning you are not the first one to go through this experience.
3- Seek help from those who have been there. You do not have to end your life because of a failed relationship. There are many marriages that have failed or even loosing a partner. Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 10:13 ‘No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability but will provide away out.’
I speak healing to any heart that has been disappointed and rejected, We speak restoration for your destiny. May the LORD put the fragments of your broken heart together.
One heart-broken girl asked me if GOD cares and why would GOD allow the boy friend to disappoint her.
Indeed GOD cares for he can’t give us snakes for fish neither can he give us what doesn’t belong to us. A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage. Who knows whether that girl or boy is meant for you.
4- Don’t rush to commit if you are not ready. Kindly do not engage someone’s daughter or someone’s son in a relationship you are not ready to nurture into a marriage.
It’s Better to delay a marriage confirmation, than making a mistake that can end your life before fulfilling God’s divine purpose for your life.
Prayer: I pray for healing on those who have gone through this trauma due to failed relationship and marriage, we pray for total restoration of your destiny in JESUS’ name.
Can read more: http://globalawakeningmissionaries.org/
The teaching to be continued ………………